Random post! :D

You…:

Name: Jessie

Age:19

Eye color: Brown

Hair Color: Red

Status: Taken

Work: American Eagle

Tattoos: none yet

Height: 5′6

Any piercings: Just my ears

 

Favorite…:

Ice Cream: Chocolate

Place to eat: Erm…idk.

Thing to do: Help people/ random adventures

Board game: Idk..I don’t really play them

Video Game: Totally LITTLE BIG PLANET!

Car: Erm Mustang

Gum: Big Red

Candy: Skittles

Brand Name: erm…I like them all but Coach the most.

Jewelry: Necklaces, not to big on bracelets, and rings only if its like engagement or wedding or something  else that is special.

Organization: To Write Love on Her Arms…Duh

Song: Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin

Band: Anberlin

Animal: Penguin

Gem: Emerald or Diamond

 

Do You…:

have any insecurities: Yes who doesn’t

If so what are they: not being good enough, Not being pretty, being left for something better, my weight, being alone, and I’m sure there’s more I just cant think of them.

Exercise: I try

like sea food: ew not at all.

like new things: depends

have a car: Not at the moment

Like your job: currently not as much as I did

do anything in the community: I used to be a TWLOHA street team member but I was to busy and had to drop it but I work with the kids at church does that count?

have all your body parts: nope I’m missing a gallbladder!

Like music: Love it

Like concerts: Love them even more

Dance: kinda.

 

Opposite Sex…:

Hair: Brown/black/red

Eyes: As long as there goregous I dont care what color

Body: As long as they have a good personally it doesn’t matter

Personally: Sweet, funny, smart, handsome, nerdy, caring, loving, supportive, etc.

Mind drinking: not really as long as there not an alcoholic

How about Smoking: Totally mind…that’s just gross. I don’t want to kiss an ashtray.

Do drugs: Nope. I will not date someone who does drugs.

Does your significant other(if you have one describe this): Pretty much.

 

Random…:

How does love make you feel: Girly, Silly, I can be myself, very random, special, and etc.

Favorite holiday: Umm its a tie between Christmas/Halloween/New Years Eve.

A movie you want to see again: Clockwork Orange

Favorite color: Green

What time is it: 6:47

What did you do today:  School and sleep

How bored are you: Bored enough to be doing this. lol.

Random two rants

Rant one:

Well other then drama people its great. I am sick of a friend whose name will be X. Really I am so sick of everything with X. I am sick of how they always getting upset at everything. Really I try to be nice but when I am X is a total jerk to me. X gets so upset when a friend doesnt do anything with him or think someone is whispering something to someone.I’m just so sick of it. Im sick of how X believes anything he sees on the sliver screen that is in the catagory of docmentry. Really I seriously think I could CGI a flying pig for X say it was a Docmentry and he would believe it. I cant stand how hes so unsettled emotionally and spritually. It annoys me to the core. My advice is null and void to him. Really it goes out one ear then another. Really I dont think he understands that he should be far more ahead mentally and spritually. But he listens to his mother and does what she wants because he can’t function if he doesn’t because he is so babyed by her. X’s brother picks on him and he goes mom, then mom yells at little X. Its like your 24 stick up for yourself. Grow a set.  Somedays being friends with X is like being friends with your biggest fear. You dont want to be friends at all.

Rant two:

I am sick of is having to defend my relationship to people who really don’t talk to me anymore and/or just need to get over that they messed things up. I am sick of it. Really accept it or dont but don’t be all are you sure your happy. All your doing is ticking me off and stepping on toes that you don’t need too. I don’t know what things have been said from ex to person but really I’m sick of it either accept it or shut up.  That goes for the ex’s as well just shut your mouths…no need to tell your break up story and make people look bad move on ok. Its not your place to question my relationship if you haven’t talked to me in forever and you have just pushed me to the side. And do use the bullshit excuse of I just don’t want you getting hurt. Ok if you haven’t talked to me in forever the only thing you can say is how are you and that boyfriend of yours doing. Really its not your place to go…your going out with him after what happened with such and such situation…is that a good Idea. Really stfu and don’t talk to me if all your going to do is that. I am happy just freaking be happy for me and stop being judgemental jerks who think they know everything about what happened and relationships.  Take the advice and STFU when it come to doing that.

Theres a time…maybe a few…

There’s a time maybe a few that it takes for some one to really realize how sucky there walk with Christ is or life in genral. I mean I dunno I’ve been out of character and I’m just figuring out why, you know what you thought was the simplest thing that mattered but  could fix when you wanted too. But really when you start realizing how far you’ve dragged people down esp ones you love deeply and notice whats going on instead of just saying oh well. Theirs a train that hits you pretty freaking hard.

Like I had a talk with my parents a few weeks back, They were right about things. But I didn’t want to own up to those things so I just got pissed. I mean its time for change. I want to be a best better person for God and the people I love deeply. I don’t want to bring anyone down anymore. But build up and help. I guess this is me coming out of my I don’t give a flying rip mode.  And the path is about to change for me and a few relationships in this game of life. Some major some not so major. but Things need to be done. Yes i know Im going to stumble and Im going to fall what else is new. I’m not Jesus people.

I mean I am just giving an example. But really I mean really this game of life our dice is our choices our path is the way our choices fall and we make the choice to switch when ever we want. I mean were all really just livin  on a prayer when you think about it. Hoping that what were doing, believeing in, eating, everyday life things, and etc are the right thing to do.  But when we realize its not then we breakdown and have to rebuild. Which is hard and time consuming but worth it in the end and yet still were hoping our dice rolls are going to put us where we want. Praying that they do. I mean we walk out our front doors hoping that we will live to see your wedding day, kids, grandkids, graduation from any school, and ect.

There’s a time for everything sometimes a few more then some.

Life is good

OK just a quick press!

So Monday July 20th I started dating the most amazing guy ever his name is Tim. Hes just so sweet and kinda. We mesh so well..I can truly say I like him a lot!

And Yesterday I got a job working at Wong’s Chinese restaurant. IM excited! Well I got to get going love yah!

The Soloist

The  Soloist with Jamie Fox and Robert Downy Jr.  is about  “Journalist Steve Lopez discovers Nathaniel Anthony Ayers , a former classical music prodigy, playing his violin on the streets of L.A. As Lopez endeavors to help the homeless man find his way back, a unique friendship is formed, one that transforms both their lives. (yahoo movies)” It is a great movie I would say inorge the Acadamy and the reviews and go see it. It really show a love like no other in this movie. Not only a person to person friendship love but a person to career love.

Nathaniel Anthony Ayers played by Jamie Foxx is so in love with his music and nothing means more to him then that. He is homeless and he is happy and content that he has a 2 string violin that he can play every day to play music alone with the sounds of th busy city of L.A. The first time you hear him play or at least when I did goose bumps went up and down my arms. The passion he showed was amazing. It makes you really think if I had as much passion as he does for music for some of the things in my life where would I be? What would I as a person be doing? Who would I have met? What place would I have seen? Who would I have heard speak or play? The questions reel on as the flim does. But he loses it all somehow but hes still content with the small things in life and music. I mean how many small things are we not content wth though out our own lives? He loves just being out side and listening to the sounds of the city and doing what he loves along with it.  Why cant we do that? Yes he is homelss and has no job, some may say no life as well. Or is it us that don’t have the life and he does. We may have our fancy jobs and cars. A plate of food 3 times a day a house with a.c and heat, etc. But is life all that or just happiness? Doing what you love or just keeping a job to stay a float  but everyday you go in or walk in the door of your home you wish you weren’t there? I’m not saying go homeless and do what you love. I’m just throwing a question out there of whats your passion and why aren’t you running for it to live? Some its God. Some its self acheivement. But what is it for you? We’re all different.

Then you have the journalist Steve Lopez played by Robert Downey Jr. who doesn’t know how to show compassoin at first he’s just looking for a story. But as the story he’s writting goes on he gets closer to this man helping him find his way back and transfroming there lives together. A rich city boy sees what living on the streets looks like. He sees the danger, the death, the illness, etc. So he starts to try to take care of this man and the compassion he gains for him is like no other. He seeks him out everyday not only for the story but for there friendship. The compassion alone was amazing. It really makes you look into your life at the end and say do I have compassion like that and if I am why aren’t I even using it? Just writting this story helped Natheniel get a new cello, listening to the philiharmoic in the disney theader, and ect. Just loving him telling his story helped him get what he needed. Telling his story alone impacted many people’s lives. The stories of both these people impacted. All because he stopped caring about what Nathaniel was and started seeing him as a person who needed help. A person who was a music prodigal to a bum because of something. It’s amazing how we can all be like Steve Lopez. We can’t put it in the LA times but we can get the story around and help a whole group of people. How relationships and be built and the broken ones rebuilt. 

This movie has so much to offer. So much potental to affect the way we live our lives. We all dont have to be journelist looking for a story. But theres many of untold stories out there that need to be heard. People who need to be helped. So I highly recommend this movie to anyone. And say lets affect compassion and passion into our lives and effect a person or even a community. Go see The Soloist.    

Stand in the Rain

Awoken by everything I’m running from. I want to give up and lie down, but the only way out is through everything I’m running from. The shadows wisper if I stand I will just fall down which has seemed to be proven true. I cry mayday and no one seems to hear my call. People deming me a lost cause. There’s apparently no hope in me. So Im on this ship left to the crashing of waves against it. I need help. Mayday. Somebody resuce me oh some body tell me you will. Tell me that everything is going to be ok. Im screaming and it seems that no body can hear me. Can you save me from myself! I write in song because songs speak louder then my own words.

In the past 3 weeks everything has just crashed down… I’ve done things I didn’t think I do and was totally out of my character. I failed my whole spring semester of college. I just I can’t seem to do anything right. I’m looking for love in all the wrong things and places. My relationship hasn’t been this bad with my parents since I was a freshmen in Highschool. My anger has gone soaring again. I’m depressed. I gained at least 30 pounds from eating. I usually don’t eat when I’m depressed.  I’m going colder faster then my heart is getting warm.

I stand up but I just fall back down. Each time harder. Thoughts of just dieing seem easier then living at times. But yet I carry on. There is still a hope. Tonight I seriously put on the church face…Ive been putting it on faster each time. My cracks are deeper now I dont want people to see them…I will get judged quicker then I will get spiritual help. I want God yes I believe in him but everytime I run back I fall again again. I’m in this vicious cycle and its like I can’t get out.

I know what I have to do the thing is can I run though the cycle of  everything I’m running from and fix it. Say no to everything. It’s not going to be easy no. It’s funny. I go to a christian college and come out just as bad as if I went to a secular college. How sad. Theres a reason…but I need God. I need him more then anything. Standing in this rain is going to be so hard. Because I’m going to have to pull off the mask and show the cracks. So the ugliness of who I am right now. And get judged, beat up by those people that judge me, and beat up by the things  I fell into and now saying no too.

If anything was supposed to protect me that people did I’m sorry all you did was protect yourself. I have gashes the size of caverns all over me. From falling and hitting things on the way down. I was napped then pushed by whatever you were protecting me from. Now I see more then ever how broken this world actaully is. Because I’ve walked in a lot of shoes lately. I am broken. Now the only way to restore my innocents is just to run to the Father. Let him catch me and bandage my wounds. Then fight the hard fight to restore our relationship to what it was even more then that.

So here I Go. I’m going to Stand in the Rain. Stand my ground. Stand up when its all crashing down. Keep me in your prayers.

Don’t wake me up I plan on sleeping in…

Ah Postal Service great band.

But thats not what this blog is about. But I do need more sleep lol. So really dont wake me I plan on sleeping in at some point. lol.

No but lastnight I was at waho just chillin and guess who showed up and I didnt reconize them until I got back to the college. Steller kart. I was totally obivious. I thought it was then someone told me it wasnt. But I guess it was nice for them for once not getting someone talking to them all the time asking for an autograph just getting to eat there waffle and chill. I will say it was cool seeing a band just be normal and live there life. Really there like everyone else. It was great. They didnt have big heads they actaully just blended in. It was neato. I was like how many famous people do we meet or see in a day and we dont even realize it. I dunno it was just thought that ran through my head.

I am extreamly tired and prob not thinking as I write this. Actaully I know Im not.  I’m running on w/e sleep I had that day before today. So yes. I am going to cut this one short. Ttyl peeps.

Woe to the Cold and Warm Hearts

Woe to the coldest of hearts even the frozen. The coldest hearts shiver when they beat. Then the frozen just sit there in there place no beat just ice. The words they breathe are just as cold as the fist size ice ball that sits in there chest. They are like disease that spreads fast among the warm hearts. Once there breath hits the heart of the warmest it seems to start the freezing process. Its like they cannot live without infecting a warm heart.

Then should I say woe to the warm hearts for there is no way to block the breath of the cold hearts. No matter how much we say a breath doesnt affect us it does. So the warm hearts fight the fight of not becoming cold. Some win some lose. Its an on going fight. Its not an easy battle metting ice that freezes so quickly. Usually only the strongest of the warm hearts can melt at a good enough pace with encouragement from the warmest. The slower ones can do it but need more encouragement from the strong and the warmest heart as well. Woe is to them for there’s not many and the battle is on going.

But yet I still should say woe to the cold hearts. The frozen hearts as well. They have the most to melt. That takes the longest takes a lot of love, a lot of encouragement, lots of care, lots of kindness. These are the ones who seek the strong who help lead them to the warmest heart. But to keep from there cold ways is so hard not o infect. Most end up falling into the old ways being ice the others fight for a while then are infected again. Being infected the second time was like stabbing the same wound again it just makes it worse. Woe is to them of what happened that made them so.

Now Is when I say woe to the both the hardship for each is not easy. Light it hard to find when hearts are cold or infected. Woe to the cold and warm hearts. My prayer to the warm is that the warm flame never gets put out by ice from the disease from the cold and sill is filled with love, compassion and caring. Then my prayer to the colds is that some how their fire will restart and melt the ice that which abides in there chest so it can start beating again full of love and compassion and caring. Woe is it until the warmest heart returns.

Just some random waking up thoughts

The past few days have been pretty insane. Emotionally and physically. I haven’t really slept. But who sleeps in college. But I do have to say waking up to techo scremo music is pretty amazing. I usually don’t care for Screamo or Metal but I really like this band call Sky Eats Plane. There just different. I like it. The beat is techo then it goes either from normal singing to a Screamo or vice versa. I would call them a breath of fresh air. I dunno if they have a myspace but I would totally say check them out. As of if there christian or not I can not tell you that. But yeah check them out. Find them on iTunes or something.

But anyways on to my actual non random thought..

Today I think we should all look as a breath of fresh air. Its a new page to live in our life. More memories to add to the good ol’ noodle. Then someday look back on them and be like that rocked or sucked but hopefully if it sucked you at least learned something and can use it to help someone else. I mean thats why God puts us though things to make us stronger and help our witness. Theres always beauty from pain. Its hard to see at first but there is. I learned that. It wasnt in the easiest way possible either. Just stand through the rain I promise in the end you will remain. So lets take our fresh breath and take today as it comes. Try not to worry about tomorrow for it already worries for its self. Live todays life for the fullest and to Gods glory. Heres some Encouragement because we all need it!

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:4-7 – “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Revelation 1:5-6 – “To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood  and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

Well I got an 8am to get to love you all!!!!

The Coaches and Slient Cheerleaders

They look around for the hopeless. Someone they can help. They see many faces they help many. But little do they know the people seems not to care about the advice given. They go and tell there friends still there is no one to help them. So for each person they seek out the ones they can not help they add a safty pin to the strap of their side bag. There trying to save there weakest. They saw him everyday. He would talk to someone saying no one could help no one understood. When there was one who did. The one that did would be the one who always talked to him. He always pushes them away after he thinks he is strong. It crushes the one that helps him. They will always be there for him. Even though after him there will be many. They dont want to add him as one they cannot help yet. But knows that they will in order to give them to God. And be there when needed. Be strong in prayer and in showing love. The others of them say just add him to your pins you haven’t lost but one. Whats one more. The thought of it makes the one sick. But knows in a sense they are right. Some cases are for God to work not us. The one doesn’t want to let him go and just be a slient cheerleader. But they know they am going to have to in order to truly help him. They pull out the safty pin and give the one lone safty pin a friend. Its time to let him go. Take the slient cheerleader roll until he comes to them. Keeping him in prayer everyday. Lifting him up. Waiting. Then helping the others who are weak. One day he will come around. He will come to us. The others say seeing the saddness swipe across the face of the one who was helping him. Then they all pray in a group. Lifting up the situation and asking God to send them the broken willing. After prayer they start back up again. Seeking out the broken who needs help adding pins to pins. They take there mission in stride and in full trust in God the the people those pins represent only come back to them some day. While they sliently cheer them on as they walk by durning the day. Pins being removed happen almost as much as the adding somedays. Then somedays they seem to just add up and not got removed. We never know what the day will bring we just sit and seek and wait. Tomorrow will bring something what we do not know. Just a hope that more are saved and pins removed. A hope that the one who has two that both will come back to them tomorrow so that they can remove those pins and not add anymore hopefully. They know that they will only come back when God wills and all they can do is pray and be the slient cheerleader for them. Learning to be the cheerleader is harder to do for them. Being the coach was always easier. But they trust God and cheer along.